Though my feet were on solid ground as I wrote the following song, the words are typed over a picture of the wetlands behind my home.
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Why This Blog?
Somewhere between exiting my career path and finding the pathway to life, I hit a sinkhole. “God show me your great plan for my life” I asked and then I waited. I tried gardening in the waiting room but I began to search for meaning in the plants themselves. This caused me to forget basics like water, sunlight, and fertilizer and nothing thrived. I tried cleaning and organizing the waiting room and found myself suffocating under piles of stuff that I might need later and which demanded constant maintenance now. Finally, I tried reading my Bible in the waiting room, repeatedly calling out “Where is my part in all of this?” Unfortunately, I couldn't hear God's voice over my own.
Pondering God’s seeming absence or lack of concern for me, I found myself alternating between anger and hopelessness. Either I hated Him for ignoring me or I hated myself for inventing Him. I was the loser either way. And so my pity party began. It was a party to which none should have been invited but, of course, I sent invitations to family, friends, and friends of friends, writers, ministers, and strangers of all kinds. I hoped that at least one of these would stay at my party long enough to give me some answers.
Some of the best answers I received, I despised. I had hoped to hang on to my current belief system while being comforted by a following of others. However, the reckless path I walked along wound around and shook people off regularly. “Now what God?” I asked. There was no answer. “I am wondering what you want me to do God.” Still no answer. “Ok, who are you God and how can I get to know you?” I sensed a smile, perhaps even a tear. This blog is about my journey to find Him and the grace He supplies to keep me searching.
Pondering God’s seeming absence or lack of concern for me, I found myself alternating between anger and hopelessness. Either I hated Him for ignoring me or I hated myself for inventing Him. I was the loser either way. And so my pity party began. It was a party to which none should have been invited but, of course, I sent invitations to family, friends, and friends of friends, writers, ministers, and strangers of all kinds. I hoped that at least one of these would stay at my party long enough to give me some answers.
Some of the best answers I received, I despised. I had hoped to hang on to my current belief system while being comforted by a following of others. However, the reckless path I walked along wound around and shook people off regularly. “Now what God?” I asked. There was no answer. “I am wondering what you want me to do God.” Still no answer. “Ok, who are you God and how can I get to know you?” I sensed a smile, perhaps even a tear. This blog is about my journey to find Him and the grace He supplies to keep me searching.
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